Dear Shitheel

Posted on February 2, 2010 -- Edit Post
Filed Under Bike Kwak | 3 Comments

It only took me some 4 hours in my car to get to Port Townsend this Saturday.  Rain.  Traffic.  More rain.  More traffic.  Ferry schedules.  I’d also footed the bill for a tank of gas and paid for two ferry rides.  So to say I was disappointed when, after finding Chase, Christopher and Jess at Sirens Pub pleasantly already half loaded, and we cheerfully wandered over to the Water Street Brewery to partake in the Strange Brew Beer Festival only to be told that they had in fact just moments ago ran out of beer completely… to say I was disappointed would definitely fall a little short of summarizing my feelings on the topic.  What a bummer.

But it turns out, that wouldn’t be the best part of this story.  If I thought the disappointment for spending all day to get to a beer festival that didn’t have any beer was awesome, it really didn’t begin to compare to what happens next.  This is where you come in, Shitheel.

Because in the brief 50 minutes it took me to find the three cyclists who’d invited me to join them (I was going to give them a ride back to the Mukilteo ferry terminal since it’d become a rainy dark mess out there), and while I was being shot down at the gates of Awesometown and being detoured to No-beer-ville in Gofuckyourselfistan; It’s in this oh so brief period of time that you, Shitheel, took it upon yourself to STEAL MY MESSENGER BAG OUT OF THE BACK OF MY CAR.

I didn’t notice it’s loss until we got to the Ferry Terminal because I was busy strapping bikes and drunk bicyclists into le auto at the time.  (I ask Jess, can you hand me my camera out of my bag?  Jess says, what bag?)

Yes, there went my Chrome Messenger Bag ($175), my Outdoor Research GorTex Hardshell Jacket ($300), my three pairs of gloves ($175), two MiNewt Bicycle Lights ($250), arm warmers ($50), Miscellaneous Bicycle Tools, tire pumps, and locks ($200), my wool Tam hat that I’ve been wearing for 20 odd years now, my sketchbook with my frame bag patterns, my camera ($400~), and my f’ing checkbook.

These are good and necessary tools to doing what I do, and replacing them isn’t cheap, or convenient.  Or even possible in some cases.

I try not to put a lot of value on things – it’s just stuff after all.  I’m not kidding.  I’ll lament the inconvenience, or having to re-purchase, but I’m not sentimental about much and possessive/materialistic about almost nothing.  I’m pretty good about giving stuff away – putting into the karmic pool I like to think.  Well, turns out I was bummed about the hat.  I guess after 20 years you get attached to something like that.  Didn’t see that coming.  Crazy.  Anyhow, the rest?

Well I have renters insurance for $12/mo and apparently I’m told it covers things like this.  I wasn’t looking forward to haggling with the insurance company about what was actually taken (no jeez I didn’t have receipts for it all anymore) but I can’t be the first person in that same position.  Surely they wouldn’t deny my claim based on that?  Heck Lee said his bike got stolen/banged up or something and BOOM they gave him a new bike almost no questions asked.  He’s basically why I even got renters insurance.  Seemed like a good idea, and possibly the only way to protect my bikes.

I think to myself, well maybe this will work out and I’d get to replace my stuff with new stuff.  Not a horrible result given the options open to me.  I could live with that okay.

So I called the Port Townsend PD from the ferry terminal, filed a police report and got my case number.  I’d file a claim with insurance tomorrow if possible, cancel my checkbook on Monday – or whenever Chase Manhattan Bank decided to open up – and everything would be okay… ultimately.  Inconvenient, frustrating and dis-empowering to be sure, and boy was I angry, but I’d be all right.  Bruised ego but that’d be the worst of it.  I finally said to myself, just chill out, this is going to work out.  Blessing in disguise.  Just roll with it and let insurance handle the details.

If this story’d ended there, it would have sucked but would have been okay.  Yeah, no.  We’re not done apparently.  HERE’S WHERE IT STARTS GETTING GOOD.

The next day Port Townsend Police Department calls – they’ve recovered my bag!  Sweet I say to myself – I get my sketchpad and hat back, and I don’t have to replace my bag – which I really like actually.  Cop says everything seems to be in there that I reported, even the checkbook “which you’ll still want to cancel” he informs me.  Yup.  On it.  But the camera was gone.

I’m like, dang.  That’s a bummer, but I guess I’ll just file my claim for the camera.  Not as good, but good enough.

The camera was $400.  Turns out my renters insurance deductable is $500.

This, SHITHEEL, is where this story really gets awesome.  Because not only did I waste an entire Saturday going to a beer festival that didn’t have any beer so you could steal all my shit, and not only have I been completely fucked out being able to file an insurance claim to cover it, but I ALSO get to eat the cost of a replacement camera AND the cost of gas and ferry rides a second time JUST so I can go back and claim what remains of my stuff.

Is there a cherry to put on the cake?  WHY YES THERE IS THANKS FOR ASKING.  Yes, the cherry on the cake here is it turns out I ALSO get to take a half-day of fucking PTO to do it because the Port Townsend Police Department Evidence Room is only open from 9am to 6pm Monday thru Friday.  I must take time off work to drive up there and claim it in person I’m told (on the phone).  Can’t mail it.

SO!

Dear Shitheel,

You should have just fucking burnt my bag.  By leaving it you actually made it worse – you basically triple fucked me with this little added bonus.  While I’m glad to get my stupid hat and bag and stuff back in general, I actually had a small dim light at the end of this fuckall tunnel that was my completely wasted and blown Saturday with the insurance angle.  By recovering it, you even managed to fuck me out of that.

If I find you I’m going to break your fucking fingers off one by one and feed them to you, but I hope you like your new camera and the $30 you’ll inevitably sell it for on Craigslist.

Did I mention that one of my 2010 resolutions was to Try and Not Say the F Word for 2010?  Yeah?  Fuck you, you fucking fuck.

Die in a fire.

(Thanks to the Port Townsend Police Department though.  I do appreciate the follow through.  Lovely little town you have there.)

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3 Comments »

Comment by Apertome
2010-02-02 16:16:37

Bummer!

.

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Comment by fomenter
2010-02-03 09:34:58

that is some seriously fucked up shit, sorry to hear that.

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Comment by James
2010-02-06 05:54:01

If you find who dunnit kill’em! Kill’em till they die!

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